He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding