since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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