I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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