last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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