one word: firstdatebathroomanal
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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