I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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