My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
