the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
