It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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