Buhtt sex?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
