What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
