You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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