His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I need moral support for this bender
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
