Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
