That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
