Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She bit a glass in half.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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