the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
being pregnant is like rehab
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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