Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I party with great urgency now.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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