careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
