I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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