I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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