I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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