Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
