FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
