Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
