yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
