I could have mohawked her pubes.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
