in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
