I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i need some magic done to my vagina
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
