isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
