a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Randomize
