we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
