The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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