Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will pee on everything he values.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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