If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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