LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
