This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
