I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
