I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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