yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
