What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
