were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
