I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
