Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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