we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did I show you my penis last night?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
