how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
