I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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