My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize