Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
