The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
