So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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