ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
