You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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