You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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