He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
