therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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