hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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