I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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