I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
