there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
