So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
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Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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