farters have to be the big spoon...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Do vagina's smell?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
