Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
