A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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