____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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