The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
