Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
