Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
