Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
