respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
