Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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