So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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