I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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