I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
