she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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