She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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