Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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